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My grandma was a genius, she taught me - Oh - so well!
She told me “Do not horse around when riding the carousel!”
She also said “Don’t shoot your mouth off when someone’s got a gun!"
But I’m the fool ‘cause I forgot the rule that she called number one -
“Don’t ever mistake the urinal cake for a cookie!
Taste that bathroom disk and your obelisk won’t find nookie!”
I went drinking on an empty stomach in the hot noonday sun,
Had me thirteen malt liquors and seven shots of 151;
Ended up in an ambulance (That much info will suffice!),
I was so damaged and so famished - I forgot my grandma's advice…
Warm, yellow and salty...
Uh, those piss-pucks are chock full of paradichlorobenzene,
So I’m pretty damn lucky that I didn’t yet meet that impaled Nazarene;
Still, every girl thinks I’m a joke - might as well be sepulchered,
My grandma cried, I almost died, I forgot her sacred word…
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I don’t wanna see you again
In real life or in my mind!
I don’t wanna see you anymore…
I’ll hear you out but be blind!
You had me starin’ at your face:
I’d rather stare right into space!
If looks could kill, I’d never look
And don’t ya judge a cover by the book!
I turn to stone, you’re like Medusa -
No sight for sore eyes, you abuser!
I have looked for my decision
And I don’t want 20/20 vision!
I am now blind - it’s a Christening!
I cannot see you but I’m listening!
No ghastly sights for me to view…
Oh, won’t you please cut your eyes out now, too?
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3. |
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Five days a week at our desks working that 9 to 5,
But only at lunchtime do we come alive;
Chris shouts “Burgers!”, Joe yells “Fish!”
They sing and they even dance;
But I get what I want, giving pizza chants…
Give me a piece of pizza, please!
Don't make me get down on my knees!
Double sausage and extra cheese
and pile on those anchovies!
It’s Sunday, we’re at the bar, the score is 9 to 8,
But only at half-time do we communicate;
Chris shouts “Burgers!”, Joe yells Fish!”
They sing and they even dance;
I always get what I want, giving pizza chants…
Give me P-I-double Z-A!
Let's get two pies - What the hey?!
Don't leave me in disarray-
Look! Here they come! Hip, hip hooray!
Now you’re at home, the day is done, what would you like to eat?
You and your precious loved ones all begin to compete;
Chris shouts "Burgers!", Joe yells "Fish!" - but I’ll tell in advance:
You’ll always be a winner giving pizza chants…
Give me pizza or give me death!
No, I am not on crystal-meth!
Let garlic be on my last breath
or heads will roll like in Macbeth!
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4. |
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The president’s plane is missing,
New York City’s in flames;
The leaders have just hit that button
To play the last video game!
The high-pitched sirens are screaming
The economy’s taking a dive
Just for fun, we’ll hit defcon one
We’ll all be buried alive!
Radio across the nation killing us with radiation...
U.S.A. and Iraq
Look at the mess we’re creatin’
Must we turn to God
Or must we turn to Satan?
I give my brother money to buy some bread and honey -
He puts on cloaks and rags;
He comes on home - totally stoned - with some nickel bags!
I beat him up - society's corrupt! It's a social disease!
The President and Parliament are vacationing overseas!
Ripshit rampage! Blow the world to nothing!
Ripshit rampage! Someone press the button!
After days and days, I never got a raise...
I asked for one - I lost my job;
Had a house but I was kicked right out
Now, I got a bus stop!
My brother's gonna cry 'cause he can't get high
but there are other ways to leave the ground;
He could take a plane but that would be insane
‘cause someone's gonna shoot it down!
My brother's only six, he's having sex -
He's a one man show;
Every radio station across the nation
Never plays our rock 'n' roll!
To put this hell to an end, we need a godsend,
The earth can exist no more...
When we die, no one's gonna cry
For our teeming shore!
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5. |
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Good double feature:
The meat is roast,
The game is dark…
Bilious pepper stirred,
Buttered onion - word!
Pan-handling tender…
Mustard, flour - blender!
If they are choice
Breast and leg -
Slice them up!
When you are able,
Chop the carcass;
Bring it to the table!
Bilious pepper stirred...
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6. |
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She don't wanna taco…!
Bedding a sweet señorita,
It could be love but you doubt it;
You wanna do her colita -
She don't wanna taco 'bout it!
Tex-mex sex!
Dismayed, you say "¡No comprende!"
But still have a means to her end;
"How about some aguardiente?"
Shakes her head - says she's nacho friend!
Tex-mex sex!
She says that she's nacho…!
"My chorizo would fit snugly!"
Poor attempt to restate your case;
"Ah, bueno!" goes bad - then ugly
'Cause she gets jalapeño face!
Tex-mex sex!
She gets jalapeño…
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7. |
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Born in a gutter, raised in another
You don't have a father, you don't have a mother;
You tell your girlfriend: "Gimme head!"
Now her brains are filled with lead!
Aural sects at gun point...
See a nun and just for fun
Whip it out, watch her run;
You tell her to suck it, she says she'll just pull it -
Now the bitch bites the bullet!
Everybody's eating your pubic beard -
Bury'em in Vaseline, man, you're weird;
"You've got a gun to your head!"; She starts to cough -
Now the bitch bites it off!
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released August 24, 2017
